Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
