Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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