Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
