I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
