Are we in a gay sports bar?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
