I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
