My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I have demons in me.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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