Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
