Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize