I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
