I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
