Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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