I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
