About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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