They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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