i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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