We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
