3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
