mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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