How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
