No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
