I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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