everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Damn victory sex feels great
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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