I seem to have left my pride at pride
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
