weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
