Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Im part way to drunk.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize