He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
