when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
