So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
