I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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