i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
