tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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