I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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