Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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