SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
