I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
