Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
