Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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