K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
