GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
