Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
