i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
