I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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