allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
