I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
