i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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