oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
