so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
