I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize