it was like his penis was on wheels.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
