you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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