This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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