fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
