I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
did you just send me my own nude
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
