I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize