Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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