oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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