dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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