Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
