I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
