is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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