I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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