fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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