I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize