Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
