I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
